she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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