he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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