Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Me. At least after what I've been through.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
