A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
