I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
