we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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