You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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