both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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