My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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