i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
