Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize