you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
