I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
