Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
