How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
