PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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