We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
