Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You made out with two different species that night
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
