I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
