sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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