ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
