Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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