she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
All the doctor said was why
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
