Me too!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
