i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
