if i can run in heels then i can drive
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
