I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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