i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
