it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
