RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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