somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We had sex on a dog bed..
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
