It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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