I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
