Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
