You know, be my cock's hype man.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
