woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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