i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
