YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My vagina is officially offended.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
