I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
