HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
