I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
