Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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