we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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