Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
