a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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