get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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