i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
