we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
