So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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