Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Send help, water and tortillas.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
