Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
we have officially lost it.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
