you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
