you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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