somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
