hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
