If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Last time i carry you out of a forest
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He shit in the fireplace
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