Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
