Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
