You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
cat food counts as protein by the way
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
