im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
