24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
