All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
