I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
