Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
