home. puking in laundry basket.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
