we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
