Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
