But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
