Just took my morning after pill in the library
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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