is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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