i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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