I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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