why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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